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Mysterious Deal Breakers

Mysterious Deal Breakers


I was dating this guy for about 5 months but I had my suspicions.  Certain things added up but I couldn’t quite put my finger on the things that didn’t.  Perhaps I was being peevish but for everything I liked about him there were equal parts of him that got on my nerves (like to my core).  His pessimistic commentary surrounding any aspect of my life that didn’t include him, the way he left gum wrappers in my car, and the ease with which he always assumed that I would be doing the driving were always at the forefront of my concerns checklist.  I quickly realized that I had mysterious deal breakers that only I registered as intolerable.  As we mature we hope that deal breakers will be talked about and addressed but there are some things that are left unspoken out of the pure assumption that such things are common sense.

My mysterious deal breaker occurred when we went to breakfast one day, my treat.  My treat doesn’t come with a limit because my treat naturally implies that you will not take advantage of my generosity (nor will I take advantage of yours when it’s your treat).  When we arrived at the trendy Toluca Lake café, my guy perused the menu slowly.  We approached the counter where I ordered my typical egg and turkey scramble substituting hash browns with tomato slices to put on top of my English muffin.  I ordered a chai latte as well.  My guy gets to the counter and orders a full on egg omelet breakfast, another full on pancake breakfast, a smoothie and a latte.  I ask you, who in the history of dining out orders that much breakfast food?  It was beyond annoying (like, to my core).  The man had ordered about $45 dollars worth of breakfast for himself.  Of course, if he had eaten everything on his plate, I would have been slightly okay with his robust order.  However, after the smoothie, latte and a few bites of his pancake breakfast, he was pretty much finished.  When he asked the waiter to pack everything up I realized that I’d actually bought this man his groceries for the week.

To this day, it is still one of the rudest things I’ve ever seen a man do but I said nothing.  I said nothing because addressing such behavior is almost as insulting as witnessing it.  Having to tell a grown man that ordering $45 dollars worth of breakfast food is unacceptable is like having to tell a grown man not to leave trash in your car.  If he doesn’t already know not to do these things then I feel like we’re probably not on the same page.  Obviously, leaving trash in my car is one of my other mysterious deal breakers.