When HE Moves In

Why is it that so many couples call it quits after they move in together?  Does the combination of sharing a mattress and a tube of toothpaste send people completely over the edge?  Perhaps one dirty sock too many left lingering outside of the hamper (where it OBVIOUSLY goes) triggers angry-brain synapse re-uptake.  Whatever your “ism” is, moving in together has come to symbolize the true test of compatibility and God save the couple that decides to move in together only after they’ve married.  There’s more to this than most people realize.  Obviously a couple has “the talk” before they commit to a joint living situation but more basic than emotional requirements, likes and dislikes, are logistical requirements.  For example, if both of you have enough shoes and clothes to open a small Nordstrom’s Rack, a discussion should be had about closet space and actual square footage.  After all, closet space falls only second to its more accomplished sibling, personal space.  Couples should always discuss the type of apartment, condo or home that they can amicably dwell in.  Couples should start from the most idealistic playing field because the moment two people can access the front door without so much as a courtesy call it’s all about compromise from then on.

All too often young lovebirds decide that one will simply just move in with the other, a rookie mistake.  If SHE moves into his place, HE technically retains the original lease and assumes most of the unspoken responsibility, even if the rent and/or bills are split 50/50.  When SHE moves in, she’ll most likely be mindful of his space and try very hard not to encroach upon his privacy (an impossible feat).  The woman is made to adapt to the man’s home  (which she is good at) and the man naturally feels a sense of dominance because no matter what happens it will always feel like HIS place.  This is a good thing because due to the natural dynamic that exists between man and woman, there are certain imbalances that arise in the face of conflict.  For example, it’s considered to be in bad taste for a man to toss a woman out into the streets with all of her belongings.  I do not assert that such things have never gone down but throwing a woman out is generally frowned upon regardless of the situation. Therefore, when SHE moves in there will be grace periods and courtesies extended to ensure that SHE secures an alternative place to live if the situation gets to a boiling point.  When SHE moves in, HE typically won’t create a hostile environment in order to expedite her departure.  If a couple decides to take the route of one moving in with the other, SHE should definitely move into his pad.  For when HE moves into her place, the situation will go down entirely different.

There’s something inherently un-manly about a man moving into a woman’s place where she’s maintained the lease/mortgage on her own and has dressed the environment to her very particular taste level.   This cosmic constitution is not based on anything that resembles logic; it’s just something that unexplainably upsets the natural dynamic of a relationship.  When HE moves in, he will be in the way and when she gets home from a hard day at work, HE will be there watching sports on TV, seemingly crushing the velvet right out of her purple couch.  SHE will ask him to do silly things like NOT sit in the armchair every day because it’s losing its firmness.  SHE will endlessly complain about the 2 dress shirts that he has hanging on her side of the closet.  Since all of the utilities will be in her name, SHE will technically be paying the bills.  This doesn’t sit well with women psychologically (like, at their core).  Even though HE offers to give her money, she will scoff at the fact that he simply didn’t just PAY THE BILL.  In a woman’s mind, when she has to ask for something, whatever that “something” is, it automatically means that her man is not providing that “something.” In a shared living environment, when a woman sees a bill she assumes that her man knows it needs to get paid and an automatic contribution, not an offer, should take place.

If you’re considering taking your relationship to the next level, be sure to weigh all of the options.

1. Don’t skimp on space to save money unless you are both minimalists who don’t have a lot of “stuff” to fill the space.

2. Always be kind and mindful of each other’s presence, especially when guests are present.

3. Most importantly, remember that privacy is key and going through someone’s stuff merely because you can is NEVER okay.  Your lives are already an open book, no need to sift through old pics of his ex or her diaries from college, some things are better left alone.