THE BRANJELINA EFFECT

Missing Person:  Former BFF, five-foot-five, brown hair, brown eyes, substantial addiction to low-rise skinny jeans.  If found, please let her know that she’s totally gay for blowing off the only person in the world who will listen to her woes should her latest man accessory bail for the girl next door.

Well it finally happened.  After all those late night jaunts to the Good Bar, Bar Marmont, Bar Chloe, and Vinoteca, the new Wine bar downtown, your BFF has landed a man.  Are you jealous?  A little yes but that’s not the reason that you’re so upset.  You’re upset because it seems that your friendship had an expiration date this whole time.  No nutritional facts, no warnings, no sell by date other than the unspoken understanding that when your wing man finds a new love interest it’s time to throw out the Friday night routine and role solo.  Why does this happen you ask?  Well, because the reality of momentary, mind-blowing orgasms is much more interesting than the mere prospect of momentary, mind-blowing orgasms.

Now all of your plans, including GIRL’S night out, will inevitably include HIM and you’ll never get to speak candidly until she feels like venting about his latest ambiguous text message.  Of course there will be excuses upon excuses when your amigo doesn’t feel like hurting your feelings and flakes on your awesome concert tickets in order to stay in and eat saturated fat take-out while watching Lord of the Ring’s re-runs with her new beau.

Unfortunately this is one of the annoying rites of passage for any friendship.  Stay diligent and always incorporate your friend into your plans whether she rsvp’s yes or no.  After all, friends don’t let friends lose themselves in relationships.  However, when you find that your friend is caught up in couple bliss don’t forget that you too will one day be the girl dipping out of happy hour to hang out with Mr. Right now.