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Posts Tagged ‘los angeles’
Needs Vs. Neediness
We all have needs. Most women love being in relationships because relationships fulfill our basic need for companionship. We love the feeling of security derived from not having to pick out a new outfit for every date. Above all, we love the “we” factor and having the assumed plus one with us wherever we go. However, sometimes we get so consumed with our relationships that we fail to see where we’ve compromised our independence. Independence, I might add, that made us appealing and sexy in the first place. As an outsider looking in, I often find it necessary to unpeel my gal pals from the respective men in their lives to point out the fatal flaw that will doom even the most stable of relationships, NEEDINESS.
Neediness is a silent killer that only gets worse as a relationship progresses. Often times it sneaks up on you so subtly that you don’t even realize you’ve become a NEEDY woman. There are several signs that can clue you in on the fact that you’ve morphed into a slab of Velcro.
Should I Syndrome: The “Should I Syndrome” occurs in women who constantly seek approval from their boyfriends at every turn. “Should I wear this dress,” “Should I cut my hair,” (etc., etc., etc.)? Honestly, it annoys your girlfriends when you do this so you can only imagine the perilous state of mind that it puts your boyfriend in. Did you not have one single, solitary thought of your own prior to being in a relationship? Did you trade in your ability to make decisions for a lifetime supply of Victoria’s Secret catalogs? You were your own person before a man stepped into your life, weren’t you? Keep your super powers in tact and be the woman that didn’t need approval to wear short skirts or rock vampire blood nail polish.
Girls Night Gone Bye-Bye: The worst thing a woman can do in a new relationship is throw her girlfriends overboard. It’s a common mistake that usually lasts about a month and a half (give or take a few weeks). We expect our friends to engorge themselves on bliss in the midst of their newly formed love nests. However, when you fail to regain some semblance of your former self, it really will take a toll on your relationship. The added pressure on your man to be your only source of entertainment is a flat out turn off. Keep your happy hours, your ladies nights and any other regiments that you enjoyed pre-boyfriend. It conveys a sense of balance to your partner and appreciation to your base (yunno, the gals who love you).
PDA Over-Kill: Public Displays of Affection are wonderful (in moderation). If you’ve become the girl that must hold hands and follow her man around at every party, like an inextricable pair of Siamese twins, it’s time to count to ten. Seriously, don’t be that girl. Ironically, the only thing you’ll manage to accomplish is alienation. Your man will feel suffocated and your behavior will be perceived as creepy. Socialize and mingle amongst yourself when you head out into the world with your man. That’s why you went out to begin with, isn’t’ it? Don’t follow him around with stalker eyes. Don’t hug and kiss him every time he stops to talk to someone of the opposite sex. Be cool, enjoy yourself and know that your confidence is really quite intriguing to everyone including your significant other. Work the room! Besides, if nothing else, avoiding your man at a party can be an amazing source of foreplay for later.
If your needs are being met at the basic level, why compromise the dynamic of your relationship with needy behavior? Some guys think it’s cute but most guys find it annoying. Keep a fair share of mystery about yourself. It may seem like game playing but you’ll find that keeping an element of sport involved keeps the relationship fresh. Otherwise, date night becomes generic and romance becomes a challenge. Adopt the perspective that your man is supposed to complement your life, not become your life.
A Lesson in Jealousy…
“Whoever envies another confesses his superiority”
~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler
The biggest lie we (women) tell ourselves is that we don’t have time to “worry” about what the next woman has. We’re so “busy” being independent and successful that we simply can’t fit in time to be jealous (yeah right!). The truth is this; what the next woman has keeps us striving for more of whatever “it” is that you don’t. For some women it’s a better career, a better body, a perfect marriage or all of the above. In Los Angeles there’s nothing we love more than having something that the next woman can’t. However, when we set the bar to someone else’s accomplishments, we don’t realize that we’re actually putting a ceiling on our own capacity to achieve. It’s like owning the fact that the best you can do is be as good as the next person, rather than realizing your individual potential.
The best way to deal with feelings of jealousy is to confront the real issue of lack in your own life. Simply put, you’re not really jealous of your friend’s new car but your friend’s new car further magnifies your own inability to purchase one. To be clear, your inability to purchase a new car has absolutely nothing to do with your friend’s new BMW. It really boils down to the current state of affairs that your life is in versus your friends and your constant comparisons to someone else’s perceived happiness. Even if you attain enough to keep up with the Jones, you’ll find that you still won’t be happy.
Be honest with yourself! Don’t keep telling everyone that you love your dependable, beat up, old car when you really want a brand new one. Stop professing to everyone how much you love your “curves” when you really want to get in shape. And for goodness sake, stop telling people that you love being single if you really want a husband and kids.
When you are honest about the things you want, you can begin to make strides to acquire them. But, when you’re dishonest about the things you want for the sake of camouflaging the holes in your life, resentment begins to seep in and infiltrate your relationships. Some women are masters at hiding their inner resentment but most simply are not. The venom begins to slips out in casual conversations and commentary. Comments like, “oh I was going to get that pair but everyone already has them,” or “yeah that’s a cute bag but I don’t do labels.” As if!
Jealousy and envy are as common as black skirts in the world of LA women. You’ll never truly conquer these feelings to the point of no return but you can learn to deal with them in healthier ways that don’t compromise your friendships. A lot of this comes with maturity but maturity isn’t always guaranteed. So, for those of us who have a good handle on it, we need to be patient with our gal pals who aren’t quite there yet. Not everything is personal, regardless of how personal it might feel. Jealousy is abundant, understanding isn’t. We’ve all been there and we all know it’s not possible to be happy for everyone all the time. A jealous woman makes tiny strides to take the gloss off someone else’s accomplishments in order to keep from exposing the lack thereof in her own life. It’s just that simple but you’re better than that, so BE better than that!
In Los Angeles a man’s car is an extension of his wealth, his bedroom swag and overall success. I suppose most women expect to get out of a BMW 645 and walk into some swanky real estate-driven dwelling. Or, maybe, we envision it parked by the private valet service at a trendy Downtown LA high-rise. BUT, the last thing we expect to encounter is a random, annex styled apartment in the heart of Palms, CA fully equipped with the smell of incense and old sofa.
Now, I’m not saying that all men should drive nice cars, but rather, all men SHOULD keep it real. If you want women to love you for you, DO YOU! Don’t paint half the picture with material falsifications and then live off the steam of your almost-repossessed whip!
Don’t get me wrong, I love the boys, and I completely understand the pressures put on men to portray Hollywood money. And, I don’t let these LA vixens off the hook for demanding life styles that they are too lazy to create for themselves. But rather talking to the guy who hits the Crown Bar all night long hollering “google me” to every chick within earshot, I prefer a man that drives a Honda Civic and parks it at his own crib where the gas, phone and light bill are in his name.
Friend OR Boyfriend?
Apply the Golden Rule…
Are you dating someone that isn’t exactly your boyfriend but definitely falls well outside of the “friend zone”? Is there a “special guy” in your life or someone that you’re “dealing with”? If so, is the special guy you’re dealing with your man or just your man-friend? So often in my dating life people constantly ask me to define my relationships. Am I dealing with the guy I met in DC? What ever happened with that hot guy who had all the tattoos? Newsflash: Not all relationships and above average friendships must turn into something. However, if you are trying to turn your friendship with a guy into something more, then you need to get clear on what’s what.
Everyone’s approach to this is different but daters around the world usually fall into one of two camps. Some women are what I like to call “first-date-direct.” That is, most of their cards are put on the table on the first date. These women make it clear that they will not be strung along for some indefinite time-share that may or may not materialize a relationship. While this behavior is often seen as intimidating, these ladies seldom face the question of friend or boyfriend.
Others are more flexible and prefer to simply “see where it goes.” This is probably the most common approach as most women perpetually wait for the other shoe to drop anyway. Of course, the ambiguity involved in this approach can be a bit un-nerving. If you’re not careful, you can easily fall into a vortex of back and forth conversations that still lead to the land of gray area.
Regardless of which camp you find yourself in, it’s not brain science. If you find yourself wanting more than friendship, look at the situation with both eyes and simply observe. Don’t over crowd your brain with possible explanations for someone’s behavior (or lack thereof). For example, if you’re dating someone who constantly reinforces the fact that you’re not in a relationship, take it as a sign that there’s a good chance your situation isn’t going to blossom into a relationship. When you’re single and dating, apply the golden rule and treat the people you deal with as they treat you. Do not go above and beyond in hopes that this person will reciprocate your actions. Do not arrange for special things if special things have never been arranged for you. Above all, do not make yourself widely available to someone who only makes themselves available on their terms. This is how people get hurt.
Los Angeles is filled with beautiful women who are always going to be younger, smarter or more successful than you. This isn’t your concern. As a matter of fact, this actually works in your favor because single men (and women) are typically looking for their best option. Men don’t want to settle for a simply great girl if there’s a younger, more attractive girl with whom they might have a chance. You’ll want to weed these men out of your dating circle as quickly as possible. If you don’t, they’ll only take up time that could be better spent on your better matches. Believe it or not, there are many frustrated, good men in the world who are looking for their most compatible match, as opposed to the hottest woman that will tolerate them.
I know this seems basic but applying the Golden Rule in dating has never disappointed me. This Friday, for example, I could choose to spend my time with the guy I hear from only just enough to make sure that I don’t erase his number from my iPhone. Or, I could spend my time with the guy who has read every blog I’ve ever written, asks me if I want to grab dinner and a movie every weekend, and makes an effort to get more involved in my life every time I see him. I’ll give you one guess where my Friday will be spent…
7 Things to Bring While Vacationing With Your Man…
Vacationing with a man is one of the most important things a woman does when in a relationship. If you’ve been dating your guy for at least a year and you haven’t taken so much as a scenic day trip together, I suggest you start researching last minute vacations on your favorite travel site immediately. This is critical because when you go out of town with someone, you get to see them outside of their comfort zone. You get to see how your beau will react to public situations (like losing luggage), accommodation debacles (like not having the room that you paid for) and raw socializing (socializing in environments in which neither of you know anyone). These are all very important factors when evaluating the deeper layers of compatibility. Certainly there will be an ample amount of romantic sunset walks along the Central American coastline but, realistically, it’s more of a way for you to see if you can simply enjoy yourself while on vacation with this person.
1. First things first, bring your own money. And, I don’t mean money for the trip; I mean enough money to secure you an earlier or later trip back home if necessary. If you don’t carry credit cards, make sure you have enough cash on hand to get you through spontaneous situations.
2. Bring every item of beautification necessary. Don’t assume that you’ll be able to buy anything once you get there. If you’re one of those gals that doesn’t require a lot of maintenance, good for you (NOT). However, most of us need a few things before putting our best face forward, try to make every day a Kodak moment day. And, always bring a fresh manicure/pedicure with you on every vacation.
3. Do some quick research on the weather. Most highly traveled areas have YouTube footage done by tourists and major venues that will give you an idea of what clothing to take. More importantly, it will give you an idea of what to do with your hair. Humidity poof balls are the worst!
4. Have a camera that’s convenient enough to carry with you to your destinations. Camera phones are awesome but they don’t always take the best pictures and you don’t want to miss a perfect sunset because you’re busy setting up the tripod. After all, what are great vacations without great pictures to remember them by?
5. Make sure you have a pair of shoes for every occasion, most importantly, walking. You’ll pretty much know ahead of time what types of activities and events you’ll be partaking in. Bring one or two versatile pairs of shoes that can be dressed up or down and can go with most of your outfits. Please don’t bring a pair of shoes for each outfit. You won’t wear them all, I promise!!!
6. Pack clothing that you feel good in. Don’t take yourself consciousness on vacation with you. Bring versatile pieces that can easily transition from day to night or from pool to bar but most of all, BE HAPPY with how you look.
7. And finally, the most important item on the list: A fantastic attitude. Don’t be the girl that complains about every little detail of a trip that doesn’t go as planned. Have a fantastic time regardless of what is thrown your way.
Embrace the beauty of the adventure and be open to trying new things. Regardless of how many American Express mileage points you have, fantastic vacations with your honey can’t be bought. Fantastic vacations are the result of two people committed to the idea of enjoying themselves together. So, leave work at work, put your text conversations to bed and focus building great memories.
The Big RED Beauty Pageant…
Legend has it that… “Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.”
Everyone knows that Valentine’s Day is the biggest chocolate-teddy-bear-lingerie conspiracy on the planet (unless you’re actually in a relationship, in which case, IT ROCKS-HELLO!!!!!). SO, why do we set aside an entire day to celebrate the lost art of actually loving someone? Well…maybe…. it’s because in the land of LA power couples, celebrity 48-hour marriages, happy-ending massage parlors, match.com, baby momma drama, dead-beat dads and 5-minute speed dating, it’s kinda nice to take a day to acknowledge simple, true, romanticized, story-book, elusive, slash-your-tires-if-you-cheat-on me, psychotic ex-girlfriend, by-any-means-necessary, good old fashioned, LOVE.
Now, you may be asking yourself “How does one celebrate the Valentine’s Day in the city of Angels (and Desperate Hip-Hop Basketball Housewives)?” Well it’s simple…think of Valentine’s Day in Los Angeles like a BIG RED beauty Pageant. Women get to parade around town all dressed up in their bestest date-night dress, make dinner reservations and with significant other firmly in tote, say the world, “Yes world, I’m PRETTY and this man’s willingness to spend 3 times the usual cost on dinner tonight proves that.” Well, maybe not specifically, but you get the picture.
For starters let’s examine the wonderful phenomenon of women’s lingerie…while everyday is Valentine’s Day in Victoria’s Secret where the red and pink shopping bags inform everyone in my office that I am indeed intimate, it seems as though on V-Day, lingerie gets just a tad more provocative (if you can imagine). And let us not forget, the shower gel, lotion and glitter body spray usually reserved for only the classiest of pole dancers. Now that we’ve got the after-dinner fantasy romp covered, that is the end of the story because all these things ultimately lead up to the after dinner fantasy romp. So let us raise a toast and infuse our lives with one extra day of bikini waxes, Brazilian blowouts and beautification in honor of celebrating the thing we gals strive to attain; good old-fashioned, lovely, lovely, LOVE.
Is it OK to Loan Your Boyfriend Money?
I’m sure a plethora of scenarios are running through your head in which you are probably trying to justify when it’s ok to loan money to your man. Of course there are those who are actually calculating the hundreds if not thousands of dollars they’ve already lost to the “I-can-do-bad-all-by-myself” college fund. Where was Tyler Perry when you needed him? Hopefully you’re not THAT girl but I’m 98% sure you know a girl who fits this description. Let’s face it, we live in Los Angeles, home of the designer $32 Kobe beef burger, there’s no such thing as petty cash in this town. Even if you are the breadwinner in a relationship, a personal line of credit extended from your checking account to your man is not a great idea. In fact, ESPECIALLY when you are the breadwinner in the relationship, loaning your man money is not a great idea. I’m not saying that we (women) should not support our significant others in a time of need. What I am saying is that it’s tricky.
Now, there’s nothing I love more than contributing in a relationship. If I have the means to contribute and make a good vacation GREAT, then damn it I want a personal concierge, a beach view and bottomless dirty martinis throughout my stay. There’s NOTHING wrong with putting your finances together to purchase something awesome whether it be a great vacation or a great single family home. There’s NOTHING wrong with buying your man a nice and/or expensive birthday present. Financial collaboration between two people who have it like that is sexy. However, the moment you start reaching into your pockets to help support a boyfriend out of necessity, you might as well start tossing out your sex drive like spare change.
The difference is this: When we have a man in our life who spoils us and provides without being asked to, we naturally want to reciprocate and let him know that he’s appreciated. BUT, when we have a man in our life that is struggling and HIS finances become a drain on YOUR finances, we begin to raise a Kardashian eyebrow. After all, if a man can’t provide for himself how will he be able to handle the rest of the grown up things in life?
Truthfully it’s not even about the loan. It’s about the notion that you have now become the man in the relationship. You now have power that you didn’t ask for in lieu of the security that most women crave. Plus, when your inner loan shark begins to emerge and you see him buying Play Station games instead of making good on his debt, you start to realize that you’ve just adopted a grown man.
How I Ended Up With The Dinner Bill: A Cautionary Tale…
I blame the waiter, how craftily he laid the check in its leather bound cover directly down the center of the table. Even the slightest slant to the north and A-hole McCheap-A$$ (unworthy of a real name) would’ve been obligated to grab the check. But NO! The waiter decided to place the dinner bill equidistantly arms length from both of us. The bill sat there like a deserted cast away looking at the sky for a rescue plane. Finally in an effort to break the stalemate I looked down at the bill, then looked at him and with a gracious smile said, “thank you for a lovely dinner.” He smiled back ambiguously and said “no thank you for your lovely company.” Still, no one grabbed the check. I waited for the other shoe to drop. The waiter had been by the table at least two times and I could see A-hole McCheap A$$ calculating his way out of payment.
Finally I excused myself to the ladies room, the end all/be all grand gesture in the dinner bill showdown. I walked it off super cool, even though all I could think about was how that bill better be paid after I peed and refreshed my eyeliner! I should have known he was going to be trouble when he insisted on picking me up, even more so when he pulled up with rims, blacked out windows, cloth seats and weed sack air freshener (honestly it’s 2011, who still gets rims put on their Honda Accord???). When I returned from the ladies room the bill was right where I’d left it. “I guess we should get to the movie,” I said. AT LAST, he grabbed the bill, opened it and said, “So how did you wanna do this, should we split it?”
Grossed out beyond return, I took the check and threw down my debit card. He reached for his wallet but I stopped him, eyebrow coldly raised I said, “I got it.” Happy as a clam he perked up and said, “Oh cool, I’ll get the movie.” I didn’t get it; the guy seemed reasonably stable when we met at Starbucks a few weeks prior. When he showed up in a slightly oversized linen button down, cargo pants and sandals I thought it was kind of bohemian- cute. Faced with the prospect of having to pay $74.35 plus tip, now he just looked like a damn Johnny Depp pirate (Aaarrrrr). I told him that I forgot that I had a lot of work to catch up on and I needed to head home. He looked perplexed as the residual effects of early end-date syndrome kicked in. When he dropped me off I gave him the good old rejection hug-pat and raced up to my door. He texted me 20 minutes later to make sure I’d gotten in the house safely, chivalry at last, sweet but entirely useless.
So ladies, what lessons do we take away from the tale of A-hole McCheap A$$? When on a first date with a man here are some very simple rules to follow in order to avoid the prospect of having to wash dishes for your chicken pot stickers and ahi tuna crisps:
1. Never go out on a date with a new guy when you’re strapped for cash. The irony is you’ll look like the loser who doesn’t have her ish together when he pulls out the dog-ear pockets.
2. On a first date, always take your own car. This gives you an out and prevents you from possibly being held hostage by your sweet potato fries.
3. Don’t be afraid to say no. If a guy asks you to split and/or pay the bill when HE blatantly asked YOU out, don’t be afraid to correct his etiquette. Chances are you won’t be going out with him again and unfortunately this is the only way A-hole McCheap A$$ will learn his lesson.
AMBIGUOUS JOB GUY: What do you do for a living?
We’ve all done it, fantasized up a real job behind a guy who we inherently knew had a fake job, or even worse, no job. Perhaps it was his big brown eyes that made us want to believe that he was really a “Record Producer”. Perhaps it was his eloquent speech that made us want to believe he was a “Neurosurgeon”. However, it was definitely the holes in his story, shoes, and jacket that led you to believe that he was telling lies and not just simple lies, gargantuan, designer, Dolce & Gabana lies. Yes, big fat Natalie Portman, Academy Award winning lies. As the saying goes, go big or go home!
The funny thing about Ambiguous Job Guy in Los Angeles is that he’s usually detectable by key words like, “actor,” “entrepreneur,” and my personal favorite, “Real Estate.” Immediately abort any form of conversation with a man who says that he “does real estate.” To be clear, one doesn’t actually “do” real estate. One usually sells real estate, buys it or flips it, but NEVER does anyone simply “do” real estate.
The first dead give away in spotting Ambiguous Job Guy is his schedule. If he has the time to call and text you all day long, cute as it may be, he’s probably not busy at WORK. He’s most likely at home watching paternity tests on Maury and learning how to make Diet Pepsi BBQ sauce on the cooking channel. Yes ladies, unless you’ve hit the trust-fund-baby jackpot, this guy is probably not “doing real estate.”
The second dead give away is his quality of life. Be careful, this one is tricky! Quality of life is subjective for the most part and relative to factors like age, and whatever profession Mr. Man is claiming. For example, if he’s over 35, has two roommates, no car, and pays for all of your dinners with a prepaid Visa, chances are he doesn’t “do Real Estate.”
The third and final dead give away (and I could go on), is a man’s SHOES. Aside from all other of forms of wardrobe malfunction, the shoes cannot tell a lie. The shoes are the insight into the source. The shoes are the glue that ties everything together. The shoes validate industry, versatility, and swag. For example, if a man throws on some nice fitted jeans, a fitted sweater and some fresh, clean sneakers, there’s a good chance he’s a successful person with industry flare and interesting conversation. Same outfit with Gucci loafers on and he’s probably a lawyer, or some type of corporate or finance professional. Having said that, if his sneakers are dusty, or the GG’s on his loafers are upside down, I think it’s safe to assume that he probably doesn’t “do Real Estate.”
Working Girl Swag in LA…
Finding a great job in Los Angeles is a lot like finding a great man. Ideally, you want to land at a great company with a good solid history, some basic benefits and the biggest payoff of all; long-term stability. Should you be lucky enough to find such a man, oops I mean job, you should hold on to it, appreciate it, and invest your time in truly becoming a part of that company’s vision. All too often we hop from job to job to find that perfect balance of great pay and awesome colleagues. When we take the time to research these companies we should be looking a lot deeper than just salary and brand. Sometimes a smaller company, off the beaten path of corporation, can provide a much more rewarding work experience than a major conglomerate brand where you could easily get lost in the machine.
The same theory applies to dating. Sometimes the guy with the shiny car and the assumed big salary proves to be a horrible experience. You may find yourself drowned out by the chick inventory residing in his iPhone or, even worse, an enormous all consuming ego. The less flashy guy, with the nerdiest collection of Star Wars trilogy swag you’ve ever seen, can turn out to be just quirky enough to be oddly refreshing in a montage of man mediocrity.
Regardless of whether you’re looking for a man or a job, one thing that’s for certain is that you will fail to land either if you’re not on your A-Game. Quiet as it’s kept most employers want the best candidates who are savvy enough to stay on top of their appearance. Even the most qualified candidates fall victim to the clunky black loafer, a fashion no-no in the corporate world of sexy pencil skirts and Prada pumps. After all, getting in the door is 90 percent of the hustle; the other 10 percent resides in your ability to prove that you’re sharp enough to hold some staying power. A job interview is a first date, except with a company instead of a man. Looks, conversation, listening skills, engaging gestures that let the speaker know that they are not only being heard but that their words are actually landing somewhere on your brain are all qualities that you must exhibit if you’re going seal the deal on the man of your dreams, oops I mean job of your dreams!
So remember, always look your best, let your appearance evolve with the times and choose attire that you are comfortable enough to feel empowered in. There’s nothing sexier than a great fitting suit that accentuates your curves, at the same time letting the world know you came to bring “the business.” Head out into the world with confidence and get your LA Working girl swag on!
THE BRANJELINA EFFECT
Missing Person: Former BFF, five-foot-five, brown hair, brown eyes, substantial addiction to low-rise skinny jeans. If found, please let her know that she’s totally gay for blowing off the only person in the world who will listen to her woes should her latest man accessory bail for the girl next door.
Well it finally happened. After all those late night jaunts to the Good Bar, Bar Marmont, Bar Chloe, and Vinoteca, the new Wine bar downtown, your BFF has landed a man. Are you jealous? A little yes but that’s not the reason that you’re so upset. You’re upset because it seems that your friendship had an expiration date this whole time. No nutritional facts, no warnings, no sell by date other than the unspoken understanding that when your wing man finds a new love interest it’s time to throw out the Friday night routine and role solo. Why does this happen you ask? Well, because the reality of momentary, mind-blowing orgasms is much more interesting than the mere prospect of momentary, mind-blowing orgasms.
Now all of your plans, including GIRL’S night out, will inevitably include HIM and you’ll never get to speak candidly until she feels like venting about his latest ambiguous text message. Of course there will be excuses upon excuses when your amigo doesn’t feel like hurting your feelings and flakes on your awesome concert tickets in order to stay in and eat saturated fat take-out while watching Lord of the Ring’s re-runs with her new beau.
Unfortunately this is one of the annoying rites of passage for any friendship. Stay diligent and always incorporate your friend into your plans whether she rsvp’s yes or no. After all, friends don’t let friends lose themselves in relationships. However, when you find that your friend is caught up in couple bliss don’t forget that you too will one day be the girl dipping out of happy hour to hang out with Mr. Right now.
One Day it will all Make Sense…
Romantic epiphanies typically happen on the big screen. We’ve all seen the story, a girl sits on the couch eating a bowl of cereal, watching TV, pondering life, and then a commercial comes on. Suddenly she realizes that the man of her dreams has been delivering her mail for the last two years. How perfect, the man who has been consistent through rain, sleet, and snow is actually “The One.” What’s even better is that she never knew he felt the same way. Yeah, it totally happens like that in real life (NOT)!!! It has probably never, in the history of dating, happened like that. So maybe you don’t get the sign from above, the voice from within or the magical commercial on TV but one day something beyond the realm of basic understanding does click. One day you will realize that the cool, elusive, emotionally unavailable guy that you’ve planned your entire fantasy future with is NOT “The One.” All of a sudden your expectations shift and these characteristics are no longer attractive to you. The universe aligns and you understand why all the “nice guys” are MARRIED and all the A-holes are driving nice cars or trying desperately to buy one.
The moment you decide to start taking yourself seriously and begin placing real-time deadlines on the acquisition of the things you hold most dear (be it marriage, kids, or career) is the moment you begin to see what a time suck the wrong guy actually is. All the time and energy spent waiting for Mr. Wrong to morph into Mr. Perfect coupled with the “learning experience” of the imminent collapse of such relationships could be better spent on much more productive activities such as washing your hair, or stockpiling emergency earthquake items. What I’m saying is, time spent doing absolutely anything else would be more productive than dating the wrong guy. Luckily the universe doesn’t typically hold bad dating decisions against you. Luckily you can make oodles of noodle head dating decisions in your twenties so that once your thirties approach you already mean business, the business of serious inquiries only.
I know this concept seems like a bit of a ruse but trust and believe that your first instinct is 99.8% correct. If there’s a void of trust or in your understanding of how someone feels about you, be accountable for the fact that you’ve always known and somehow settled for this behavior (whether on purpose or by accident). Approach your future relationships as you would a business deal. Look at the presentation, read through the background and figure out if it’s best to move forward. Make a 2-5 year plan of where you see your life going romantically and revisit that plan often, after all it is YOUR plan. Don’t leave everything to chance and horoscopes. Be present and the rest will start to fall into place.
A Lady Never Tells: But a Groupie Just Might…
Once in while, LAG feels the need to make a public service announcement. So, today’s topic boys and girls is “The LA Groupie.” If the LA dating scene is known for nothing else, it should be known for its plethora of beautiful gold-diggers, also known as “groupies.” What people fail to realize about LA groupies is the magnitude to which they exist, so much so, that an entire subculture of young women groomed for groupiedom has emerged. There are TV shows, books, dating sites, and clothing stores that actually cater to the LA groupie. Heck, even entire families have publically embraced and exploited the groupie subculture, thus creating the very controversial “groupie nepotism.” You’ve seen them! They’re the ones dressed for the nightclub at basketball games, the ones standing in the front of every line at every club with a celebrity headliner, they seem to know everyone from the promoter to the bouncer to the bartender on a first name basis.
Now, Wikipedia defines the groupie as “A person who seeks emotional and sexual intimacy with some form of CELEBRITY. “Groupie” was derived from the word group, in reference to a musical group, given that the groupie phenomenon emerged from popular music groups of the 50’s and 60’s. However, the contemporary groupie is about seeking financial security and notoriety for her celebrity conquests. Today’s groupie isn’t about the mere rush and excitement of sleeping with a celeb, oh no, she means business. And, why not? Being a groupie is BIG BUSINESS!! We’ve all heard the tall tale of the video vixen turned millionaire for merely publishing the names and details of everyone she gave an “oral exam” to, industry wide. And, certainly you’re no stranger to the Celebrity-Wife reality shows where almost none of the women are actually “wives.” Don’t hate, they’re still getting a check, seemingly out of thin air at that. Granted, these women usually only get 5 minutes of fame (1/3 of the 15 minutes that real celebs get) but it does offer the smart ones a chance at some real opportunities for monetization. Sadly, few take advantage of such opportunities because few are actually smart enough to do so. You see, what drives a groupie isn’t her educated business savvy as much as her savvy for played out monogram bags and red bottom shoes that she only hears about and sees in music videos (I digress).
Now, given that LA is host to so many different types of celebrities, (movie stars, rock stars, rap stars, basketball players, football players, producers, directors, reality show stars, etc., etc.) you can only imagine the various strains of groupie that follow. Some of them may even be lurking amongst your own social circles, right under your nose. To that end, I’ve created an efficient and classifiable way to identify the LA groupie. NOTE: there are several hybrids of the categories outlined below but I felt it necessary to start with the basics, the canonical staples if you will, of the Groupie kingdom.
First off we have the “Veteran Groupie”: The Veteran groupie is the saddest groupie of them all, primarily because she is old and no one told her that her days were numbered 5 years prior. She’s at the club regularly, usually with a crew 7-10 years younger so that she can blend in appropriately. The veteran groupie has a fierce body. In fact, one only knows that she is of a more mature age when they get above her neckline. There you’ll find the over-compensated make-up that only a cougar or a clown could appreciate. However, the Veteran Groupie does pave the way for the Green Groupie (refer to the description below) also known as “Baby Groupies.” For what is a student without its teacher?
Next, we have the “Green Groupie”: Contrary to her title, the Green Groupie is not about world conservation and recycling. The Green Groupie is fertile ground, impressed by anyone on TV whether they’re in a commercial or a full feature film. The Green Groupie’s innocence is her biggest draw. Regular guys like her because they can introduce her to their friends. She technically still has girlfriend potential given that she is relatively undiscovered. Celebrity guys like her because their celebrity friends have yet to add her to their celebrity to-do list. Either way, she’s kinda doomed from the start.
Lastly, we have the “Groupie By Association”: The Groupie By Association hangs out with groupies from time to time but only long enough to be able to disengage from any rumors that could peg her as a groupie. Make no mistake! If it walks like a duck, puts on heels like a duck, and finds herself at Jamie Foxx’s house at 2am like a duck. It’s A DUCK!!! The Groupie by Association is my personal favorite because she’s clever enough to keep a day job and often vacillates between the average guy and the 2nd tier celebrity entourage guy. Either way she’s not winning, yet she presses on…
Honestly, I’m not clowning; I don’t knock anyone’s hustle. Seriously, we’ve all got a little groupie in us, gotten excited when our favorite singer or actor hit the stage. For example, one might say that I’m a Barack Obama groupie, a Cornell West groupie, or a Michael Eric Dyson groupie versus a Lil Wayne groupie, a Kanye West groupie or a Kobe Bryant groupie. Is there a distinction to be made? Maybe not, but I’ll leave it at that…
Friend Politics 101 – Rule No 2:
Sometimes One Monkey DOES Stop the Show…