LAG BLOG ARCHIVE
Posts Tagged ‘marriage’
Needs Vs. Neediness
We all have needs. Most women love being in relationships because relationships fulfill our basic need for companionship. We love the feeling of security derived from not having to pick out a new outfit for every date. Above all, we love the “we” factor and having the assumed plus one with us wherever we go. However, sometimes we get so consumed with our relationships that we fail to see where we’ve compromised our independence. Independence, I might add, that made us appealing and sexy in the first place. As an outsider looking in, I often find it necessary to unpeel my gal pals from the respective men in their lives to point out the fatal flaw that will doom even the most stable of relationships, NEEDINESS.
Neediness is a silent killer that only gets worse as a relationship progresses. Often times it sneaks up on you so subtly that you don’t even realize you’ve become a NEEDY woman. There are several signs that can clue you in on the fact that you’ve morphed into a slab of Velcro.
Should I Syndrome: The “Should I Syndrome” occurs in women who constantly seek approval from their boyfriends at every turn. “Should I wear this dress,” “Should I cut my hair,” (etc., etc., etc.)? Honestly, it annoys your girlfriends when you do this so you can only imagine the perilous state of mind that it puts your boyfriend in. Did you not have one single, solitary thought of your own prior to being in a relationship? Did you trade in your ability to make decisions for a lifetime supply of Victoria’s Secret catalogs? You were your own person before a man stepped into your life, weren’t you? Keep your super powers in tact and be the woman that didn’t need approval to wear short skirts or rock vampire blood nail polish.
Girls Night Gone Bye-Bye: The worst thing a woman can do in a new relationship is throw her girlfriends overboard. It’s a common mistake that usually lasts about a month and a half (give or take a few weeks). We expect our friends to engorge themselves on bliss in the midst of their newly formed love nests. However, when you fail to regain some semblance of your former self, it really will take a toll on your relationship. The added pressure on your man to be your only source of entertainment is a flat out turn off. Keep your happy hours, your ladies nights and any other regiments that you enjoyed pre-boyfriend. It conveys a sense of balance to your partner and appreciation to your base (yunno, the gals who love you).
PDA Over-Kill: Public Displays of Affection are wonderful (in moderation). If you’ve become the girl that must hold hands and follow her man around at every party, like an inextricable pair of Siamese twins, it’s time to count to ten. Seriously, don’t be that girl. Ironically, the only thing you’ll manage to accomplish is alienation. Your man will feel suffocated and your behavior will be perceived as creepy. Socialize and mingle amongst yourself when you head out into the world with your man. That’s why you went out to begin with, isn’t’ it? Don’t follow him around with stalker eyes. Don’t hug and kiss him every time he stops to talk to someone of the opposite sex. Be cool, enjoy yourself and know that your confidence is really quite intriguing to everyone including your significant other. Work the room! Besides, if nothing else, avoiding your man at a party can be an amazing source of foreplay for later.
If your needs are being met at the basic level, why compromise the dynamic of your relationship with needy behavior? Some guys think it’s cute but most guys find it annoying. Keep a fair share of mystery about yourself. It may seem like game playing but you’ll find that keeping an element of sport involved keeps the relationship fresh. Otherwise, date night becomes generic and romance becomes a challenge. Adopt the perspective that your man is supposed to complement your life, not become your life.
What’s the Rush?
Dating as far back as 1760, the famous philosopher Immanuel Kant proposed the idea that our physical perceptions (sight, sound, taste, smell and touch) dictate much of how we view the outside world. Certainly true in the dating world, our encounters with the opposite sex are often predicated upon that very same philosophy. Our sense of sight determines the initial attraction. We exchange numbers. The first point of contact is initiated. Our ears begin to feast on the sound of his voice, leaving us in anticipation for the next call. Before we know it, first date dinner is upon the horizon. We share the taste of good food, the taste of good wine and the taste of a first kiss. Weeks of intermittent dating go by and we find ourselves craving the smell of his sweat-n-cologne laden collared shirt, which you have yet to rip off his body. And inevitably, the final act of touch (I’ll let you fill in the mind-blowing details).
In a perfect dating universe it would all play out just as I described, flawlessly over the course of 1-3 months (give or take a few weeks). Yet, so rarely do we truly engage the people we meet. We skip to the end game. We don’t see them at their worst. Sometimes we don’t even stop to have a good argument. And of course, this leads to the misunderstandings, miscommunications, and misfortune of the good-bye text/call/email/encounter. So what’s missing? Perhaps the art of communication, the sixth sense that brings us so much closer than any other form of physical intimacy. Communication isn’t as primitive as the other senses because it takes time to develop and cultivate. But, we’ve become lazy in our pursuits; a cut to the chase mentality has left us (women) grossly overlooking the details and compromising genuine connections.
Why find out about things that annoy you about this person (to your core) AFTER you’ve already taken the relationship to the last level? When you really take the time to get to know someone you may be pleasantly surprised by the fact that you’re really NOT interested. Sans relationship drama, sans sex, sans the un-pleasantries that accompany “the process,” you may find that you simply don’t share the same values.
Inversely, when you do engage the sixth sense, you may find that there is much more to a person than you assumed. You may find that you share deeper similarities than merely a love of hip-hop and midnight gelato in Silver Lake. Not that those types of similarities aren’t great too, common ground is key, but those things aren’t necessarily key components to a solid relationship. Don’t confuse the sparks and rainbows that come with sight, sound, taste, smell and touch with the realities that can only be uncovered through good old fashioned communication.
A Lesson in Jealousy…
“Whoever envies another confesses his superiority”
~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler
The biggest lie we (women) tell ourselves is that we don’t have time to “worry” about what the next woman has. We’re so “busy” being independent and successful that we simply can’t fit in time to be jealous (yeah right!). The truth is this; what the next woman has keeps us striving for more of whatever “it” is that you don’t. For some women it’s a better career, a better body, a perfect marriage or all of the above. In Los Angeles there’s nothing we love more than having something that the next woman can’t. However, when we set the bar to someone else’s accomplishments, we don’t realize that we’re actually putting a ceiling on our own capacity to achieve. It’s like owning the fact that the best you can do is be as good as the next person, rather than realizing your individual potential.
The best way to deal with feelings of jealousy is to confront the real issue of lack in your own life. Simply put, you’re not really jealous of your friend’s new car but your friend’s new car further magnifies your own inability to purchase one. To be clear, your inability to purchase a new car has absolutely nothing to do with your friend’s new BMW. It really boils down to the current state of affairs that your life is in versus your friends and your constant comparisons to someone else’s perceived happiness. Even if you attain enough to keep up with the Jones, you’ll find that you still won’t be happy.
Be honest with yourself! Don’t keep telling everyone that you love your dependable, beat up, old car when you really want a brand new one. Stop professing to everyone how much you love your “curves” when you really want to get in shape. And for goodness sake, stop telling people that you love being single if you really want a husband and kids.
When you are honest about the things you want, you can begin to make strides to acquire them. But, when you’re dishonest about the things you want for the sake of camouflaging the holes in your life, resentment begins to seep in and infiltrate your relationships. Some women are masters at hiding their inner resentment but most simply are not. The venom begins to slips out in casual conversations and commentary. Comments like, “oh I was going to get that pair but everyone already has them,” or “yeah that’s a cute bag but I don’t do labels.” As if!
Jealousy and envy are as common as black skirts in the world of LA women. You’ll never truly conquer these feelings to the point of no return but you can learn to deal with them in healthier ways that don’t compromise your friendships. A lot of this comes with maturity but maturity isn’t always guaranteed. So, for those of us who have a good handle on it, we need to be patient with our gal pals who aren’t quite there yet. Not everything is personal, regardless of how personal it might feel. Jealousy is abundant, understanding isn’t. We’ve all been there and we all know it’s not possible to be happy for everyone all the time. A jealous woman makes tiny strides to take the gloss off someone else’s accomplishments in order to keep from exposing the lack thereof in her own life. It’s just that simple but you’re better than that, so BE better than that!
The Community Boyfriend
When you’re in a relationship with someone it’s commonly understood that the person you’ve been dating will have friends who have been in their life much longer than you have. Whether you’ve been dating six months or six years, there are people who have depended on your significant other for friendship and have established meaningful, platonic relationships with him throughout the years. Simply put, you will always be sharing your special someone with friends, family and possibly ex- girlfriends. These external relationships can be a healthy time-share that enables everyone to maintain a sense of individuality while you build a strong couple identity. For many women, a man with a healthy amount of friendships is a sign of a balanced life. That said, regardless of how much you admire your man’s generosity, nobody wants to date the community boyfriend.
Certain friendships can feel invasive and challenging, thus, upsetting the natural dynamic of your relationship. Usually these types of friendships are consistent and you can determine whether or not you find it disrespectful early on in the dating phase. On occasion there are situations that arise mid-relationship that can truly test your trust, leaving you to wonder how much of a priority your comfort level is to your significant other. For example, let’s say that you’ve been dating someone and out of the blue one of his friends (of the opposite sex) needs a place to stay while they get their living situation together. The first thing you should ask yourself is how normal this situation feels to you and whether or not you feel threatened by another woman in your personal space. Make no mistake; even though it’s not your place, where your man lives is still an extension of your personal space. Why? Because it’s still a space of where you probably share a lot of time and intimacy together.
Of course, you never want to seem as though you’d want someone to be homeless at the cost of your personal insecurities. If that’s the case then you probably have your own segment of soul searching to do. What really matters is the amount of thoughtfulness your boyfriend exhibits to this person’s situation compared to the situation that he is simultaneously putting you in. If you know the woman well and never had suspicions about her before, it’s probably safe to assume that your boyfriend doesn’t think you’ll mind. In that same spirit, you probably wouldn’t mind but why guess?
One thing that women know better than anything else in the entire universe is how to gauge another woman’s intentions. It seems like the first thing that develops in the womb is a woman’s intuition. The way she rubs his shoulder, the way she eats in front of him and the way she appears to be all too concerned with your happiness are only a few of the ways in which to gauge another woman’s intentions toward your beau. If she’s always strategically dressed in such a way that she can easily show enough skin to appear sexy but not too much so that you don’t raise an eyebrow, it’s probably worth raising an eyebrow. If she’s always calling your boyfriend about her relationship drama but you never see her with a man, it might be worth raising an eyebrow.
Women are subtle, crafty creatures who can justify anything (and I mean anything) in the name of love. We compare our situations to everyone else’s and we read between the lines at all times while pretending not to calculate. Sometimes, we even justify finding solace in the possibility of a relationship with men who are unavailable. This is why most women are so good at spotting other woman who are out for their man. All of these things aside, do we really need to see the pink elephant in the room to know that it exists? Wouldn’t you be able to smell an elephant if it were in the room before entering? Isn’t it safe to assume that you might see the signs of an elephant moving into your personal space?
The hardest thing about trusting someone is that you have to do it 100%. There’s no middle ground for trust. That small fraction of doubt opens up the possibility that perhaps you are blindly investing your time. This is why boundaries are so important to clarify early on. They help us define the where we might go too far in our relationship.
My good friend (and aesthetician) once told me that, in Jewish culture, some women believe when you take the underwear that a bride wore during her wedding and you wear them for 3 days in a row (without washing them), you will get married in less than a year. After hearing this myth I asked if this had worked for anyone she knew. To which she replied, “yes, as a matter of fact, 3 different girls wore my underwear after my wedding last year and 2 of them ended up getting married in less than 1 year.” One of these ladies happened to be her sister who was married just days before I earned of this Jewish magic trick. Of course, the inner cynic in me didn’t really believe that this was the key to getting married. But, I figured what the heck, it was worth a yeast infection to find out. Unfortunately for me, the waiting list for the recent brides underwear was long and her underwear was already taken (aw shucks!).
There’s also the universally practiced tradition of catching a bride’s bouquet. The bride gathers the single ladies at her wedding into a group for all to see. As everyone stands around waiting for the bride to toss her floral arrangement over the balcony, the mosh pit of single ladies prepare to dive for the promise of marriage. The myth surrounding this tradition is that the lucky gal who manages to catch the bouquet will be the next one to get married. Like the de-feathering of an innocent chicken, the bouquet catching ceremony is not a game. It’s destiny.
There’s also that one myth where a bride shouldn’t see the groom (her husband to be) on the day of her wedding, until the ceremony. It’s apparently bad luck and it’s supposed to be a surprise. A surprise? really? Even though the two of you have lived together for the last 5 years, dated 12 years (on and off) prior to that and have a 17 year old graduating from High School? Surprise!!! I’m wearing a white dress today!
I’m wondering if some of the myths and traditions around marriage aren’t somehow driving people away from it in this modern age. Weddings have become huge presentations that are all about the details. The smaller the wedding is, the more expensive the details seem to get. If you think about it, the full cycle of marriage really starts with the first date. From then on it’s a constant debate and overhaul of life goals, dreams, etc. Finally, the “marriage material” stamp gets applied invisibly to the forehead of your latest prospect and it’s kind of a waiting game from there on out. At least the Jewish myth gives you a time frame; the bouquet thing is kind of a toss up (no pun intended).
Friend OR Boyfriend?
Apply the Golden Rule…
Are you dating someone that isn’t exactly your boyfriend but definitely falls well outside of the “friend zone”? Is there a “special guy” in your life or someone that you’re “dealing with”? If so, is the special guy you’re dealing with your man or just your man-friend? So often in my dating life people constantly ask me to define my relationships. Am I dealing with the guy I met in DC? What ever happened with that hot guy who had all the tattoos? Newsflash: Not all relationships and above average friendships must turn into something. However, if you are trying to turn your friendship with a guy into something more, then you need to get clear on what’s what.
Everyone’s approach to this is different but daters around the world usually fall into one of two camps. Some women are what I like to call “first-date-direct.” That is, most of their cards are put on the table on the first date. These women make it clear that they will not be strung along for some indefinite time-share that may or may not materialize a relationship. While this behavior is often seen as intimidating, these ladies seldom face the question of friend or boyfriend.
Others are more flexible and prefer to simply “see where it goes.” This is probably the most common approach as most women perpetually wait for the other shoe to drop anyway. Of course, the ambiguity involved in this approach can be a bit un-nerving. If you’re not careful, you can easily fall into a vortex of back and forth conversations that still lead to the land of gray area.
Regardless of which camp you find yourself in, it’s not brain science. If you find yourself wanting more than friendship, look at the situation with both eyes and simply observe. Don’t over crowd your brain with possible explanations for someone’s behavior (or lack thereof). For example, if you’re dating someone who constantly reinforces the fact that you’re not in a relationship, take it as a sign that there’s a good chance your situation isn’t going to blossom into a relationship. When you’re single and dating, apply the golden rule and treat the people you deal with as they treat you. Do not go above and beyond in hopes that this person will reciprocate your actions. Do not arrange for special things if special things have never been arranged for you. Above all, do not make yourself widely available to someone who only makes themselves available on their terms. This is how people get hurt.
Los Angeles is filled with beautiful women who are always going to be younger, smarter or more successful than you. This isn’t your concern. As a matter of fact, this actually works in your favor because single men (and women) are typically looking for their best option. Men don’t want to settle for a simply great girl if there’s a younger, more attractive girl with whom they might have a chance. You’ll want to weed these men out of your dating circle as quickly as possible. If you don’t, they’ll only take up time that could be better spent on your better matches. Believe it or not, there are many frustrated, good men in the world who are looking for their most compatible match, as opposed to the hottest woman that will tolerate them.
I know this seems basic but applying the Golden Rule in dating has never disappointed me. This Friday, for example, I could choose to spend my time with the guy I hear from only just enough to make sure that I don’t erase his number from my iPhone. Or, I could spend my time with the guy who has read every blog I’ve ever written, asks me if I want to grab dinner and a movie every weekend, and makes an effort to get more involved in my life every time I see him. I’ll give you one guess where my Friday will be spent…
7 Things to Bring While Vacationing With Your Man…
Vacationing with a man is one of the most important things a woman does when in a relationship. If you’ve been dating your guy for at least a year and you haven’t taken so much as a scenic day trip together, I suggest you start researching last minute vacations on your favorite travel site immediately. This is critical because when you go out of town with someone, you get to see them outside of their comfort zone. You get to see how your beau will react to public situations (like losing luggage), accommodation debacles (like not having the room that you paid for) and raw socializing (socializing in environments in which neither of you know anyone). These are all very important factors when evaluating the deeper layers of compatibility. Certainly there will be an ample amount of romantic sunset walks along the Central American coastline but, realistically, it’s more of a way for you to see if you can simply enjoy yourself while on vacation with this person.
1. First things first, bring your own money. And, I don’t mean money for the trip; I mean enough money to secure you an earlier or later trip back home if necessary. If you don’t carry credit cards, make sure you have enough cash on hand to get you through spontaneous situations.
2. Bring every item of beautification necessary. Don’t assume that you’ll be able to buy anything once you get there. If you’re one of those gals that doesn’t require a lot of maintenance, good for you (NOT). However, most of us need a few things before putting our best face forward, try to make every day a Kodak moment day. And, always bring a fresh manicure/pedicure with you on every vacation.
3. Do some quick research on the weather. Most highly traveled areas have YouTube footage done by tourists and major venues that will give you an idea of what clothing to take. More importantly, it will give you an idea of what to do with your hair. Humidity poof balls are the worst!
4. Have a camera that’s convenient enough to carry with you to your destinations. Camera phones are awesome but they don’t always take the best pictures and you don’t want to miss a perfect sunset because you’re busy setting up the tripod. After all, what are great vacations without great pictures to remember them by?
5. Make sure you have a pair of shoes for every occasion, most importantly, walking. You’ll pretty much know ahead of time what types of activities and events you’ll be partaking in. Bring one or two versatile pairs of shoes that can be dressed up or down and can go with most of your outfits. Please don’t bring a pair of shoes for each outfit. You won’t wear them all, I promise!!!
6. Pack clothing that you feel good in. Don’t take yourself consciousness on vacation with you. Bring versatile pieces that can easily transition from day to night or from pool to bar but most of all, BE HAPPY with how you look.
7. And finally, the most important item on the list: A fantastic attitude. Don’t be the girl that complains about every little detail of a trip that doesn’t go as planned. Have a fantastic time regardless of what is thrown your way.
Embrace the beauty of the adventure and be open to trying new things. Regardless of how many American Express mileage points you have, fantastic vacations with your honey can’t be bought. Fantastic vacations are the result of two people committed to the idea of enjoying themselves together. So, leave work at work, put your text conversations to bed and focus building great memories.
Mysterious Deal Breakers
I was dating this guy for about 5 months but I had my suspicions. Certain things added up but I couldn’t quite put my finger on the things that didn’t. Perhaps I was being peevish but for everything I liked about him there were equal parts of him that got on my nerves (like to my core). His pessimistic commentary surrounding any aspect of my life that didn’t include him, the way he left gum wrappers in my car, and the ease with which he always assumed that I would be doing the driving were always at the forefront of my concerns checklist. I quickly realized that I had mysterious deal breakers that only I registered as intolerable. As we mature we hope that deal breakers will be talked about and addressed but there are some things that are left unspoken out of the pure assumption that such things are common sense.
My mysterious deal breaker occurred when we went to breakfast one day, my treat. My treat doesn’t come with a limit because my treat naturally implies that you will not take advantage of my generosity (nor will I take advantage of yours when it’s your treat). When we arrived at the trendy Toluca Lake café, my guy perused the menu slowly. We approached the counter where I ordered my typical egg and turkey scramble substituting hash browns with tomato slices to put on top of my English muffin. I ordered a chai latte as well. My guy gets to the counter and orders a full on egg omelet breakfast, another full on pancake breakfast, a smoothie and a latte. I ask you, who in the history of dining out orders that much breakfast food? It was beyond annoying (like, to my core). The man had ordered about $45 dollars worth of breakfast for himself. Of course, if he had eaten everything on his plate, I would have been slightly okay with his robust order. However, after the smoothie, latte and a few bites of his pancake breakfast, he was pretty much finished. When he asked the waiter to pack everything up I realized that I’d actually bought this man his groceries for the week.
To this day, it is still one of the rudest things I’ve ever seen a man do but I said nothing. I said nothing because addressing such behavior is almost as insulting as witnessing it. Having to tell a grown man that ordering $45 dollars worth of breakfast food is unacceptable is like having to tell a grown man not to leave trash in your car. If he doesn’t already know not to do these things then I feel like we’re probably not on the same page. Obviously, leaving trash in my car is one of my other mysterious deal breakers.
One of the most traditional ways that women have come into wealth since the dawn of dowries is by simply marrying into it. In Los Angeles there is no shortage of women who would be more than thrilled to quit their day jobs for the prospect of pre-nuptial bliss to a man of means. While this is somewhat frowned upon in communities of affluence, dating and marrying upward is still something that happens quite often. Obviously dating a man of means has its perks. However, more important than gifts and great trips, dating up is an opportunity to experience operating at a higher level of consciousness. While economics does come into play a lot of the time, dating up isn’t always about money. If you take nothing away from dating a dynamic individual, other than the experience of a nice restaurant and car ride, then you aren’t living in the moment.
Dating up is not to be confused with simply being a groupie. Dating up is about meeting someone who has achieved something that you admire and want to emulate in some facet of your own life. At face value this seems a bit controversial but realistically speaking we would hope that the men we choose to date would be, at the very least, on the same level in terms of income, career, education, etc. We would also hope to involve ourselves with men whom we could respect and learn from. Dating up isn’t merely something to show off, it’s much deeper. If we believe in the idea that we attract what we act, then dating up is actually a way to try on the image that the universe wants us to have.
A huge factor in attracting the type of man you want to meet has to do with the type of energy you exude. Make an effort to envision only our best selves and make conscious strides toward manifesting that person within you. The object of the dating game, as with any other game, is to win but winning can simple be achieving happiness and contentment. Dating up serves as a sophisticated social experiment that offers women the opportunity to test their social skills and preparedness for various levels of interaction. For example, can you be the kind of woman that a man can take to a dive bar or a White House dinner? Can you switch gears and adapt to awkward moments, or do you shut down in the face of exposure? Set higher standards for yourself mentally, physically and spiritually so that you can go on to meet interesting people who reflect these standards. After all, the art of love and dating is also the art of internal reflection and self-awareness.
The Big RED Beauty Pageant…
Legend has it that… “Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.”
Everyone knows that Valentine’s Day is the biggest chocolate-teddy-bear-lingerie conspiracy on the planet (unless you’re actually in a relationship, in which case, IT ROCKS-HELLO!!!!!). SO, why do we set aside an entire day to celebrate the lost art of actually loving someone? Well…maybe…. it’s because in the land of LA power couples, celebrity 48-hour marriages, happy-ending massage parlors, match.com, baby momma drama, dead-beat dads and 5-minute speed dating, it’s kinda nice to take a day to acknowledge simple, true, romanticized, story-book, elusive, slash-your-tires-if-you-cheat-on me, psychotic ex-girlfriend, by-any-means-necessary, good old fashioned, LOVE.
Now, you may be asking yourself “How does one celebrate the Valentine’s Day in the city of Angels (and Desperate Hip-Hop Basketball Housewives)?” Well it’s simple…think of Valentine’s Day in Los Angeles like a BIG RED beauty Pageant. Women get to parade around town all dressed up in their bestest date-night dress, make dinner reservations and with significant other firmly in tote, say the world, “Yes world, I’m PRETTY and this man’s willingness to spend 3 times the usual cost on dinner tonight proves that.” Well, maybe not specifically, but you get the picture.
For starters let’s examine the wonderful phenomenon of women’s lingerie…while everyday is Valentine’s Day in Victoria’s Secret where the red and pink shopping bags inform everyone in my office that I am indeed intimate, it seems as though on V-Day, lingerie gets just a tad more provocative (if you can imagine). And let us not forget, the shower gel, lotion and glitter body spray usually reserved for only the classiest of pole dancers. Now that we’ve got the after-dinner fantasy romp covered, that is the end of the story because all these things ultimately lead up to the after dinner fantasy romp. So let us raise a toast and infuse our lives with one extra day of bikini waxes, Brazilian blowouts and beautification in honor of celebrating the thing we gals strive to attain; good old-fashioned, lovely, lovely, LOVE.
Working Girl Swag in LA…
Finding a great job in Los Angeles is a lot like finding a great man. Ideally, you want to land at a great company with a good solid history, some basic benefits and the biggest payoff of all; long-term stability. Should you be lucky enough to find such a man, oops I mean job, you should hold on to it, appreciate it, and invest your time in truly becoming a part of that company’s vision. All too often we hop from job to job to find that perfect balance of great pay and awesome colleagues. When we take the time to research these companies we should be looking a lot deeper than just salary and brand. Sometimes a smaller company, off the beaten path of corporation, can provide a much more rewarding work experience than a major conglomerate brand where you could easily get lost in the machine.
The same theory applies to dating. Sometimes the guy with the shiny car and the assumed big salary proves to be a horrible experience. You may find yourself drowned out by the chick inventory residing in his iPhone or, even worse, an enormous all consuming ego. The less flashy guy, with the nerdiest collection of Star Wars trilogy swag you’ve ever seen, can turn out to be just quirky enough to be oddly refreshing in a montage of man mediocrity.
Regardless of whether you’re looking for a man or a job, one thing that’s for certain is that you will fail to land either if you’re not on your A-Game. Quiet as it’s kept most employers want the best candidates who are savvy enough to stay on top of their appearance. Even the most qualified candidates fall victim to the clunky black loafer, a fashion no-no in the corporate world of sexy pencil skirts and Prada pumps. After all, getting in the door is 90 percent of the hustle; the other 10 percent resides in your ability to prove that you’re sharp enough to hold some staying power. A job interview is a first date, except with a company instead of a man. Looks, conversation, listening skills, engaging gestures that let the speaker know that they are not only being heard but that their words are actually landing somewhere on your brain are all qualities that you must exhibit if you’re going seal the deal on the man of your dreams, oops I mean job of your dreams!
So remember, always look your best, let your appearance evolve with the times and choose attire that you are comfortable enough to feel empowered in. There’s nothing sexier than a great fitting suit that accentuates your curves, at the same time letting the world know you came to bring “the business.” Head out into the world with confidence and get your LA Working girl swag on!
THE BRANJELINA EFFECT
Missing Person: Former BFF, five-foot-five, brown hair, brown eyes, substantial addiction to low-rise skinny jeans. If found, please let her know that she’s totally gay for blowing off the only person in the world who will listen to her woes should her latest man accessory bail for the girl next door.
Well it finally happened. After all those late night jaunts to the Good Bar, Bar Marmont, Bar Chloe, and Vinoteca, the new Wine bar downtown, your BFF has landed a man. Are you jealous? A little yes but that’s not the reason that you’re so upset. You’re upset because it seems that your friendship had an expiration date this whole time. No nutritional facts, no warnings, no sell by date other than the unspoken understanding that when your wing man finds a new love interest it’s time to throw out the Friday night routine and role solo. Why does this happen you ask? Well, because the reality of momentary, mind-blowing orgasms is much more interesting than the mere prospect of momentary, mind-blowing orgasms.
Now all of your plans, including GIRL’S night out, will inevitably include HIM and you’ll never get to speak candidly until she feels like venting about his latest ambiguous text message. Of course there will be excuses upon excuses when your amigo doesn’t feel like hurting your feelings and flakes on your awesome concert tickets in order to stay in and eat saturated fat take-out while watching Lord of the Ring’s re-runs with her new beau.
Unfortunately this is one of the annoying rites of passage for any friendship. Stay diligent and always incorporate your friend into your plans whether she rsvp’s yes or no. After all, friends don’t let friends lose themselves in relationships. However, when you find that your friend is caught up in couple bliss don’t forget that you too will one day be the girl dipping out of happy hour to hang out with Mr. Right now.