Needs Vs. Neediness

We all have needs.  Most women love being in relationships because relationships fulfill our basic need for companionship.  We love the feeling of security derived from not having to pick out a new outfit for every date.  Above all, we love the “we” factor and having the assumed plus one with us wherever we go. However, sometimes we get so consumed with our relationships that we fail to see where we’ve compromised our independence.  Independence, I might add, that made us appealing and sexy in the first place.  As an outsider looking in, I often find it necessary to unpeel my gal pals from the respective men in their lives to point out the fatal flaw that will doom even the most stable of relationships, NEEDINESS.

Neediness is a silent killer that only gets worse as a relationship progresses.  Often times it sneaks up on you so subtly that you don’t even realize you’ve become a NEEDY woman.  There are several signs that can clue you in on the fact that you’ve morphed into a slab of Velcro.

Should I Syndrome:  The “Should I Syndrome” occurs in women who constantly seek approval from their boyfriends at every turn. “Should I wear this dress,” “Should I cut my hair,” (etc., etc., etc.)?  Honestly, it annoys your girlfriends when you do this so you can only imagine the perilous state of mind that it puts your boyfriend in.  Did you not have one single, solitary thought of your own prior to being in a relationship?  Did you trade in your ability to make decisions for a lifetime supply of Victoria’s Secret catalogs?  You were your own person before a man stepped into your life, weren’t you?  Keep your super powers in tact and be the woman that didn’t need approval to wear short skirts or rock vampire blood nail polish.

Girls Night Gone Bye-Bye:  The worst thing a woman can do in a new relationship is throw her girlfriends overboard.   It’s a common mistake that usually lasts about a month and a half (give or take a few weeks).  We expect our friends to engorge themselves on bliss in the midst of their newly formed love nests.  However, when you fail to regain some semblance of your former self, it really will take a toll on your relationship.  The added pressure on your man to be your only source of entertainment is a flat out turn off.  Keep your happy hours, your ladies nights and any other regiments that you enjoyed pre-boyfriend.   It conveys a sense of balance to your partner and appreciation to your base (yunno, the gals who love you).

PDA Over-Kill:  Public Displays of Affection are wonderful (in moderation).  If you’ve become the girl that must hold hands and follow her man around at every party, like an inextricable pair of Siamese twins, it’s time to count to ten.  Seriously, don’t be that girl.  Ironically, the only thing you’ll manage to accomplish is alienation.  Your man will feel suffocated and your behavior will be perceived as creepy.  Socialize and mingle amongst yourself when you head out into the world with your man.  That’s why you went out to begin with, isn’t’ it?   Don’t follow him around with stalker eyes.  Don’t hug and kiss him every time he stops to talk to someone of the opposite sex.  Be cool, enjoy yourself and know that your confidence is really quite intriguing to everyone including your significant other.  Work the room!  Besides, if nothing else, avoiding your man at a party can be an amazing source of foreplay for later.

If your needs are being met at the basic level, why compromise the dynamic of your relationship with needy behavior?  Some guys think it’s cute but most guys find it annoying.  Keep a fair share of mystery about yourself.  It may seem like game playing but you’ll find that keeping an element of sport involved keeps the relationship fresh.  Otherwise, date night becomes generic and romance becomes a challenge.  Adopt the perspective that your man is supposed to complement your life, not become your life.