THE NUMBERS RULE; It Doesn’t Count If…

One night over coffee and dessert two girlfriends, Maya and Alene, both age 25, got together to gossip about Maya’s new roommate, Karin.  Maya’s new roommate was 28 years old and had slept with approximately 30 different men (give or take a couple).  Both ladies were intrigued with Maya’s roomie and her ability to articulate this number with an air of accomplishment, so sophisticated and mature.  But, both ladies, judgments firmly in place, still felt that Karin’s numbers were too high for comfort.  Too high, that is, until they got on the topic of their own  number of shelved sexual partners.

Alene whipped out a notepad and began to draw a line for every sexual partner that she could recall.  Every time she hit five she started a new cluster…all of sudden she was on cluster number 4.  “Maya, I couldn’t have slept with 19 guys already, I’m a whore,” Alene said with quantitative conviction.

Maya hastily interjected, “Alene, I’m on number 17 so I’m not far behind you and I’m NOT a whore.  F*%$K, I honestly don’t even remember some of their names.  How did this happen?”

Maya began to sort through her personal catalog in a comical Sherlock Holmes fashion.  “Well, what about that guy who was only 4 inches (hard), he doesn’t count right?”  “Don’t be stupid Maya,” said Alene, “but that guy I slept with in Miami last summer only lasted like 2 minutes and then he fell asleep so that guy REALLY doesn’t count.”  “Wait a minute Alene, he counts!!! You remembered all the dirty details,” Maya retorted feistily.  “2 minutes of details does not equal dirty details,” said Alene.

This was getting ugly and time consuming.  Faced with the prospect of having to weed though future prospects in the same manner, the girls decided to create some universal rules to live by, thus, enabling them to erase certain guys from their inventory (like an etch a sketch).  The rules are:

1.     If the sexual encounter is under 3 minutes, it doesn’t count

2.     If the fun stick is under 4 inches (hard), it doesn’t count

3.     If you can’t remember his name, it doesn’t count

4.     If his name is Chris Hall, it doesn’t count

5.     If you were too drunk to remember, it doesn’t count

6.     If It’s over 5 years ago, it doesn’t count (unless you want it to)

Now, a blog wouldn’t be a blog without the author’s two cents.  So ladies, I’ll leave you with this to chew on.  If you want to keep your numbers low, think of your lady goods as a shiny new car.  Every time you lease it out, typical wear and tear is to be expected.  Don’t let these boys run your miles up unless they intend to purchase.   If a guy isn’t stepping up to the plate, put your car back on the lot and only let serious buyers take a test drive.  And, in case you didn’t know, serious buyers usually put down a card, Ya heard!!! (j/k, not really).